Mr. Right versus Lemons

Lemon
noun
1. the yellowish, acid fruit of a subtropical citrus tree, Citrus limon.

2. the tree itself.

3. lemon yellow

4. Informal. a person or thing that proves to be defective, imperfect, or unsatisfactory; dud:

His car turned out to be a lemon.

(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lemon?s=t)

Listed previously, is the dictionary definition of a lemon and a brief list of ways a lemon can be defined. Number four on the list comes the closest to MY definition of a lemon.

In other words, a lemon is a guy who seems to be a great but actually turns out to be a complete turd/jerk. He's nice and shiny on the outside but proves to be sour and lacking in luster on the inside.

     I've had many encounters with countless amounts of lemons. These many encounters have led me to the following realizations:

     1. If someone is not right for you, then they are not right for you. It's impossible to change the way people are and if you continue to force something with someone then you will fall deeper into unhappiness. No matter how many times your lemon apologizes for his actions, nothing will ever change.

     

     2. The right one will find you.

     3. It did not work out for a reason. It was not meant to be and holding on to the wrong person will just stop the right one from coming along.

    From these realizations, encounters and experiences with lemons, I've decided to compose a list of things that will be apparent in your Mr. Right. Furthermore, in order to find Mr. Right you must focus on your relationship with Christ and on personal growth. Mr. Right may not be ready yet, he may be working on the same things you are.





     When it is time, he will come around but you have to stop entertaining the lemons! I honestly can admit that I am not ready for Mr. Right, there are a lot of things that I need to work on to be a better me.

THINGS THAT MR. RIGHT WILL DO THAT A LEMON WON'T

**Note for the following: I am not saying Mr. Right will be perfect by reason of the fact that we are all human but he will definitely prove he's the one every day of your life and carry out the following. That's what separates boys from men and lemons from gentlemen.**

1.His intentions will be made clear from the beginning. He won't keep you guessing about where you two are and if you are talking or dating. You will know what you two are trying to accomplish.

2, He won't bring up sex early, pressure you into sex or bash your wishes to wait. I was once told, "You would be the perfect girl for me if you had sex, don't get me wrong you're perfect." #TROLL

3.He will take you out on dates like a true gentleman. He won't constantly just try to "chill" with you in the comfort of your home or his. Even if you two do "chill", he will be respectful of your space, treat you like a lady and not inappropriately grope you. 

4. He won't make you feel self conscious. He wouldn't constantly try to point out things about you that make you not feel good about your self. Mr. Right will appreciate your beauty for what it is.

5. He will be respectful to all women. Pay close attention to the way he treats other women and what he calls other women. If he doesn't treat other women well then the chances are that he doesn't know how to treat a lady.

6. Boys will be boys but he won't over do the swearing because he will want to be as respectful as possible around you.

7. He will help you grow as a person and will walk with you in the life of Christ.

8. Your flaws will be outweighed by the good things you have going for yourself and he will accept you for who you are without trying to change you.

9. Mr. Right will be emotionally stable. No comparing you to his ex, no jealousy, he won't be controlling and he won't try to make you feel bad for not doing something that he wants. He will respect your wishes.

10. He will be loyal and not talk to other girls, Mr. Right will just try to build up a relationship with you. Curving will be his hobby.

11. This may seem small but he will open the door for you and do other chivalrous things that men are supposed to do. 

12. You won't have to pressure him to meet his parents.

13. He will not try to hide your relationship or that you are dating. He will be proud that you are his girl and he will want to show it. Although he will be proud to let people know what it is between you two, what you do with your Mr. Right won't be a broadcast to his friends...If you know what I mean ladies.

14. You won't have to constantly go out of your way to ask him to hang out with you and you won't constantly have to double text him. Mr. Right wants to be around you.

15. Mr. Right will listen to you and remember the things you say.

16. Mr. Right will tolerate your friends because he's so into you and he would want to make you happy. Your best friend will like your Mr. Right.

17. He will be supportive of you, attend your special events and encourage/try to help you reach your goals.

18. Mr. Right will be consistent in all that he does.

19. You will feel safe with Mr. Right.

20. He will make you happy and you can be yourself with him.

21. He will be hard on you/push you because he wants you to reach your potential.

22. If you have a great relationship with your dad or grandfather, then your Mr. Right will most likely exhibit their awesome traits because it's things you've grown to look for. You also won't be afraid to let Mr. Right meet your daddy.

23. Mr. Right won't waste your time. 

24. He won't let other people disrespect you or your relationship with him.

25. Mr. Right will be a good listener.

26. Mr. Right will send you scriptures, cute texts or motivational quotes from time to time.

27. Mr. Right won't make you feel stupid.

28. He will care about your feelings.

29. He will be able to hold intellectual conversations with you.

    

     There might be other things you all might feel should be on this list ladies, so feel free to comment below. Please share and let me know what you think Someday, Mr. Right will come around and then you’ll realized why it never worked out with anyone else. Mr. Right will complete you and help you to become the woman that God wants you to be. . Be patient ladies, trust in Him and remember to work on becoming a better you. Until then...MAKE LEMONADE.

Natural Hair

     I've been natural for six years now. I often get asked a lot of questions about my natural hair pertaining to the products I use, the transition stages and about the process to become natural. A lot of people have asked me, "Did you become natural or is your hair naturally curly?" I was born with curly hair but there was a period of time when I permed my hair and I had to stop perming my hair in order to get my curls back. After a rough transitioning period, I am now at the stage where I just wash my hair and hope for the best. In this blog, I'll give you information about my natural hair, what techniques I use and the products I use.

     About my transition. I've had long hair all of my life but I decided I wanted something new...so I cut my hair into a bob and permed it in ninth grade. After the short cut, I realized that I would like to grow my hair back to it's full length and stopped getting perms. Besides the yearly trims I get, my hair is healthier than ever and if I stopped cutting it my hair would be back. Below is a photo grid of my transition, start from the top left corner and follow along to the right. The picture in the middle is where I am at now.

So here are the things I use for my hair...

I love using either Herbal Essences Totally Twisted or TRESemme Curl Hydration shampoo and conditioner. I've heard that Mixed Chicks shampoo and conditioner works wonders but I have yet to try it! Both products do for wonders for natural hair and curls. NATURAL HAIR TIP: Apply a small dab of conditioner all over your hair before you get out the shower.   

Oils are really good for natural hair by stopping the dry hair problem and keeping one's hair moisturized. It also helps to stop frizz. It's best to apply the oil after your hair drys from a wash or before you go about your day. Apply the oil to your hands and distribute the oil through out your hair. My favorite oil to use would be by Herbal Essences, but Moroccan argan oil and Africa's Best Herbal Oil are awesome as well! Hot oil treatments on natural hair are often a big help!

If I comb my hair out with conditioner after a shampoo then I tend to not use leave in conditioner, but if I don't use regular conditioner...I apply leave in conditioner to my hair and I promptly comb through my hair with a wide tooth comb. It doesn't hurts to use both, as I sometimes do. Olive Miracle leave in conditioner is great for natural hair.

No one wants to constantly have to go through the shower process of wetting their hair, so keeping a spray bottle proves extremely useful. Every natural should keep a spray bottle! My spray bottle contains water and drops of conditioner. Some times I mix curl product with my spray bottle water, either way works.

I absolutely love using my blow dryer after I apply my curl products! This is actually a Conair Diffuser but I never really use the diffusing portion. Natural hair tends to bring shrinkage but a blow dryer can stop this. Both cold and warm air works fine! NATURAL HAIR TIP: You can lengthen your curls by stretching out your hair and holding the ends while running the blow dryer through your hair.

Every natural must own a wide tooth comb...DETANGLE. DETANGLE. DETANGLE. It's something we all have to do to keep our hair healthy. It's best to detangle your hair when you condition your hair in the shower or with leave in conditioner.

Here are some extra tips:

• Try applying deep conditioner to your hair with a shower cap on before you step into the shower. After you wash up, proceed to wash your hair as usual.
• When you are letting your hair dry, wrap your hair up in a top not or loose bun. This can prevent frizz and give you looser curls. 
• I've heard that coconut oil is very good for dry hair.
• Applying deep conditioner before you workout helps your hair to lock in moisture and soften curls.
• A satin or silk pillow prevents tangled morning hair! You didn't detangle all of your hair for nothing!
• If you're transitioning, it's best to braid your hair up after you apply your curl product and put a scarf on for a nice twist out.
• It helps to get trims about every three or four months so that your hair can grow healthy.

     Every one has different ways to treat their natural hair and I just wanted to share mine! I hope this helped. If you have any tips or products and or hacks that you have for your natural hair, please comment below! Can't wait to hear from my natural beauties! 

-THE CURLY BANDIT 

Wheatley Adaptation

     Phillis Wheatley would happen to be one of my favorite poets seeing that she is the first published

 African American poet and the first published African American woman. She empowered her

community through her writings and continues to make a literary impact in today's society. In honor

of Phillis Wheatley, I decided to adapt her poem "On Being Brought from Africa to America" to

fit current issues. The poem in the picture below is by Wheatley and I've placed my adaptation after

 it.

On Injustice, From Being Sapped to Finding Liberation

‘Twas greed that shackled our ancestors hands and kidnapped them from the motherland

Ancestors who became slaves to white men and built this country by hand

150 years henceforth since abolition, yet I find my race still enslaved

Slaves to our vanity and also an unjust system

Thought the issue was the class system but it’s not so simple

Pain so great, yet the government silences the outcries

Young black men slain by police brutality as if it were hunting season

Yet no one will listen

The media paints us as ingrates to a just system

Brainwashing the mass into believing that the rioters are just thugs with no purpose nor mission

Remember the Boston Tea Party? Similar occurrences, yet its celebrated

Penny this thought…Riots wouldn’t occur unless injustices were taking place

Byproducts of the corrupt world we living in

Fates we can’t escape due to our tint but judging by society-our taint

Trying to keep faith but it’s hard seeing a better picture

Seeing Martin Luther King Jr’s vision skewed and twisted

God I beg for strength, young mothers praying that it’s not their son’s life today

Working hard but hardly living due to a middle class that’s shrinking

Undistributed wealth and sinking education in our inner cities with test based curriculums

Searching for a savior who sees past mere pigments

We were once great kings and queens, our answer is within

Christians, Negroes, with blood thick as Abel's, slain by Cain, we all can be refined with hopes

Of rightfully joining the angelic train!

-Danielle D. Rogers



Signs it's Time to Close the Door

     Ladies, some times it is really hard to let go of some one who you've invested a lot of time,

feelings and effort into. We see red flags but yet  we ignore them thinking that things will get

better...most of the time, we end up regretting these things later on. Some times you just

don't want to see the signs, so I've composed a list of signs that it is time to close the door

 and move on to other things.

                                                                         SIGNS

1. You do not see Christ in his life and or way of living. It's very important to walk with someone who has the same goals or the equivalent of you, but we often forget that it is also important to have someone with the same spirituality.
2. His words doesn't match his actions. Say bye to smooth talk.
3. You constantly have to double text him. If he's not showing equal interest, move on.
4. His goal do not match your goals and or he does not know what to do with his life.
5. He does not call you.
6. He only wants to see you at night and never takes you on dates.
7. You support him but he doesn't support you in the things you do.
8. It doesn't seem as if he has intentions of putting a title on what you both have.
9. It's been some time and he doesn't know where you both are or where you two are heading.
10. He gives more attention to other girls than you.
11. He goes four or five days without talking to you, often.
12. He doesn't encourage you and belittles you.
13. He tries to pressure you into doing something you are not ready for.
14. Things aren't mutually beneficial, you find yourself constantly on the giving end.
15. He doesn't acknowledge you in public.
16. If he tries to have sex on the first night of hanging out...its obvious what his intentions are.
17. Its been 6-8 months and you still haven't met his family.
18. He lies a lot.
19. You make constant sacrifices for him, yet he doesn't make any for you.
20. After hearing about him and or meeting him, your friends do not like him and neither do your parents.
21. You both constantly argue.
22. You can't see yourself building a future with this person.
23. He says that he misses you but doesn't make an effort to see you.
24. ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT LIST ITEMS THAT MAY HAVE YOU BEING STRUNG ALONG...He is inconsistent, he only does enough to keep you with him and to hold your interest.
25. He continuously avoids telling you where you stand with him or if you have potential.

    
      When you really like someone, it gets extremely hard to see these signs but it is very

important to know your worth and move on to better things. If you never close the wrong

 door, then the right one will never be opened. You have to respect yourself enough to walk

away from anything that will not help you grow or elevate you towards your goals.

 There's this great quote that I constantly hear and its this:
       "You deserve to be happy, not in the arms of someone who keeps you waiting but of someone who wants you now, love you forever & never leaves."